Being open to your child’s thoughts and feelings can help with the trickiest parenting struggles.

Research suggests that ‘parental mentalising’ – the capacity to seek to understand our own and our child’s behaviours from the perspective of underlying mental states, such as thoughts, feelings, and needs – can help us get to the heart of the trickiest parenting issues.

A) Reflect on your OWN emotions
For example, during a stressful parenting moment you may realise you are going to be late. You become tense and clench your teeth, your stressed state may spill over into your interactions with your child causing you to speak more sharply, for instance, with them. A bit of mindful breathing here or meditation at another time in the day will help you avoid destructive emotional responses to your child.

B) PAUSE to reflect on your child’s thoughts and feelings
Often emotions are layered, we display one emotion but are experiencing others (underneath). A child may behave in an angry manner, but they may be feeling, more deeply, something else that they are too uncomfortable or scared to express.

C) ENGAGE
Slow down and ask your child what they are experiencing. Use open questions such as, “Is something on your mind?”, “I’m wondering if there is something else that is bothering you?”

D) Be open to NEW experiences
Remember that your child is constantly developing and evolving and what may have been upsetting for your child in the past may not be now. It may be something different this time. Never assume and always remain OPEN.

Indian Pink Flower Essence
Indian Pink flower essence helps you remain calm in the midst of heightened activity (or chaotic times with the kids!!!).

“It can help soothe and calm a highly inflamed reaction to circumstances …

Negative State:
Psychically ‘frayed at the edges’
‘Inability to stay centred during intense activity’ (FES)

Positive State:
‘Managing and coordinating diverse forms of activity’ (FES)
Calm focus in the midst of heightened activity”
(extract from Marks book, “The Essential Flower Essence Book”)