One day you come home from work, let your partner know that you have had a crap day, especially dealing with Tom, and ask for a hug, OR, perhaps just ask to have some time to yourself (as many HSP’s do ask for) to get your head together. A validating response would be, “Of course! I’m sorry you had a crap day. Partner responds with a hug and asks, “Would you like to talk about it?” OR, says, “No problems, you deserve some TIME OUT for yourself. See you soon when you are feeling better.” However, an invalidating response would be, “You are always having problems with Tom. What are you doing? Why do you let him get to you so much? Why don’t you say something or do something about it?”

You might have learnt to accept an invalidating response. Invalidating statements from your childhood often continue into adulthood and in your close relationships. An invalidating parental voice for instance, while growing up, easily turns into an invalidating inner critical voice as an adult. For example, have you ever told yourself to “stop getting so emotional,” “get over it,” or “stop being such a wimp”? This is how you invalidate your own emotions.

Invalidation is something that can really stick with you. HSPs become more prone to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or anger issues if they experience chronic invalidation. Because of DIFFERENTIAL SUSCEPTIBILITY HSPs are “more reactive to a positive upbringing” but unfortunately also “more reactive to a negative one.” They are “more affected by their rearing experiences than others – both for better or worse.” (Wells, 2021)

But don’t despair, if your upbringing was invalidating and/or problematic you can recover because of VANTAGE SENSITIVITY – a “heightened response to positive experiences” such as an understanding partner or friend and/or “skilled teaching and coaching and positive interventions in health, lifestyle and therapy.” (Wells, 2021)

Take advantage of your vantage sensitivity:

Consider working with a therapist for support. Flower Essence Therapy (FET), for instance, supports personal growth.

Once you recognize that a relationship is invalidating, it’s important to leave or change that relationship (or relationships). Setting (emotional) boundaries is essential. Again FET, for instance, can really help.

Finally, start identifying and cultivating the healthier, respectful, and supportive relationships you have in your life.